Jersey Shore 1807
“I’m here to plow, I know I’m gonna get me some hot Quaker behind. I don’t care if they call me a Quaker I know I’m a Quaker. I’m all about beards, farmer’s bodies and god fearing obedience! That’s right!”
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When you’re on tour you have to know that your gear is realiable and will deliver night after night. After all what use is a trianglist with no triangle or a timbales player without a ruffly sleeved shirt. That’s right, more useless than ususal. That’s why professional musicians pay a premium for their gear. They pay for the reliabilty as well as the signiture sound and style offered by a custom handmade product.
Take this cock and balls bass that we have here. The mahogony shaft paired witht the basswood nutsack delivers a low punchy sound that really plays nicely out of an Ampeg “butthole” R554 amp. It’s a pretty clasic sound that you’ve most likely heard anywhere from the Beatles album Rubber Soul to Mettalica’s new album Death Erectile.
Every piece of this bad boy is functional. The pustules on the right ball are the volume and tone pots which allow the player to change his sound on the fly, bringing this instrument from a soft gentle bumping to a raging hard jamming style sound. The stylized “pubes” also act as a dampener to prevent chains and leather straps from the performer’s vest from hitting the body and strings of the bass guitar. Function over form is mantra in the music biz!
So you see a man’s bass is part of him. It is arguably the most importnat part of him. So the next time you see a bass player at a rock show smach his instument; stomping on and throwing it around. think of this image and this article.
Chilling with my friends.
Looks like Virgin MegaDude Richard Branson is just chilling out kitesurfing with maybe the hottest girl ever stuck to his back limpet style. Maybe she’s trying to steal his wallet.
Just your average day on the island that you own in the Caribbean maxing out while enjoying a full head of hair in your late 50s. Must be fucking rough. In other news I will be flying myself down to Miami where I have chartered a drug submarine to take me down there. I’ve bleached my hair and grown a silly goatee and aged myself with cigar smoke and UV tanning and I think I can pull off the old kidnap/impostor move just like in 15/1000 of the popular James Bond movies/prostate massages. I’ll send out an e-vite to all you guys once I get down there.
Warning Spoilers!
Click the image to open this all biglike and read it in all of it’s majesty. I want to get a job in China where I just sit around all day and give cards like this the thumbs up before they are shipped out to the US. I’ll grow fat on Tsing Dao and Asian television programs.
Card reads:
WHEN BEING A CHILD, BRUCE WAYNE HAD WITNESSED WITH HIS OWN EYES THE FACT HIS PARENTS WERE KILLED CRUELLY SO AFFECTED HIS STRONG DESIRE OF REVENGING HIS PARENTS. HOWEVER, GOD HAD NEVER GIVEN HIM A CHANCE TO FULFILL HIS WILL. FOLLOWING THE ADVICE OF RAWS AL-GHUL, THE CHIEF OF NINJA GROUP, BRUCE COME TO GETE, WHICH WAS A CORRUPTED CITY FILLED WITH VARIOUS CRIME GROUPS. BRUCE FOUND A BASEMENT UNDER HIS VILLA, IN WHICH THE EQUIPMENTS TUNED HIM INTO ANOTHER PERSON: SPIDERMAN. WITH THIS MASK, SPIDERMAN STROKE ALL CRIMINAL ACTIVATES AND CRIMINALS EVERYWHERE SUCH AS TOUGON, THE CIEF OF MAFIA, DOCTOR JACKSTRAW, THE ABNORMAL DRUG TRAFFICKER, EVEN A MYSTERIOUS OPPONENTS QUITE FAMILIAR WITH HIM————-
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It’s like she ate a giant stainless steel air conditioner bracket and forgot to wipe her mouth. That or she blew the T1000.
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IF you buy this shirt I garuntee that it will work. I personally put my stamp of approval on this technique for getting a blowj. I sign on the dotted line and place my name right next to the idea that a shirt like this will somehow get you mouthed. And if I’m wrong you can always go berserk and start an industrial goth band.
Guess what….
While you were doing this people were:
1) Getting their master’s degree in chemical engeneering.
2) Building a small wooden boat using the stitch and glue method.
3) Making love.
4) Working to pay off their credit card debt.
5) Drinking beer.
6) Jerking off.
7) Feeling bad about jerking off.
8) Feeding the dog.
9) Reading Twilight.
10) Praying the Rosary.
11) Jerking off again.
12) Converting an old van to biodiesel.
13) Wondering what it would be like to be a girl.
14) Recycling
Don’t you kindof feel like a dick?
Of course you don’t.
