Movember
If you are one of the people reading this blog please donate to Movember, a charity that allows me to remain dick/ass cancer free and snarky. I also participate by growing a creepy mustache.
Sugar Bush Squirrel
I’ve found the woman i want to marry. She is tall and blond and she’s funny and smart. She is also really into her pet squirrel. But don’t take my word for it.
The most internet thing I’ve seen in a while.
Why is it that dorks on the web are always obsessed with Jesus, dinosaurs, and sperm whales…. oh wait I get it.
Lizard
I don’t know what’s weirder, the fact that this exists or the fact that the dude in the background looks so relaxed.
Fuck this asshole.
Stupid name… check
Stupid face… check
Album… check
As Bucky “I love the fellahs” Covington’s manager I can say that I’ve represented hundreds of no talent hacks with a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and a mustache that John Waters would call faggy. Despite my ability to match plurals I do have the ability to fax your American Idol application over to Central American Idol and Tuna Canning Central Institute LTD. In fact I have time to send up to three faxes per day. I like to go to the check cashing place to send applications and cash my grandfather’s Medicare checks for Bugles and Night Train wine. So come all ye huddles masses to my talent agency and join budding superstars like this clod in a vain attempt to make millions while looking like a human butt plug.
Fuck That Lion
What a way for the king of the jungle to go down, buttsexed by Josef Stalin in the majestic savanna. Hakuna Matata.
Text Reads: “This lion is pretty pissed that Uncle Joe is giving him a good rogering.”
Sargent lard ass
Oh Jesus! these bastards are letting us have it with everything they’ve got. We’re pinned down on the east bank covered in mud and our buddies’ blown up nutsacks and weiners and eyeballs! Oh god this is terrible, only now do I see the folly of war… wait, what’s that! is that who I think it is! Sweet lord in heaven it is.. its Sergent Bologna! The most dangerous soldier in the special turkey drumstick forces! His meaty frame is coiled like a ham spring, ready to fly salty death in the faces of the enemy! His doughy balled fists wreak havoc on the slim oppressors. Gaze at his buttery visage as he pummels your defined bone structure into a chunky salsa like pulp. Ah he has dropped to one spongy corpulent knee to provide cover for Colonel Spratt as he evacuates a fallen comrade. Sargent Sweet Tasty Cakes will surely swear a greasy fried vengeance against the hapless soldier that dared… alright, enough!
King dog
I know that there is an important cultural significance behind this… but all that I can think about is how awesome it must be to be the middle dog and how much it sucks to be the outer dogs.
fuck…
